My first 10,000 ways

Obedient Wives Club strikes again!

2011-10-14T01:43:00.000-07:00

Found this article on Yahoo Malaysia yesterday. I just sat back and laughed my head off! It made today's newspaper and is probably infamous by now!

First the OWC created controversy by saying that women should be "first class whores" with their husbands and now this....

The unraveling of such foolishness has only just begun in Malaysia..

Here's some parts of the article;

A Muslim man can have sex with all his wives at the same time, according to a controversial new book on Islamic sex by the Obedient Wives Club (OWC).

Say what??!! Are orgies permissible now??

Titillatingly-titled “Seks Islam, perangi Yahudi untk kembalikan seks Islam kepada dunia [Islamic sex, fighting Jews to return Islamic sex to the world]”, the explicit book aims to guide Muslim brides on how to pleasure their husbands in bed.

In all veracity, what in the world do the Jews have to do with Islamic sex?? Seriously, can someone please enlighten me?

What's next? Blame the Jews for bad weather?

“As a spiritual leader, Allah has granted him the ability to have simultaneous sex with all his wives. And if the wife is spiritual, the sex is greater. They can fly anywhere for sex, it is more enjoyable and easier compared to physical sex. For that reason, Abuya (head of the Al-Arqam sect)was processing his wives towards the spiritual.”

Woah..you lost me there! Sex allows you to astral project?

"The peak of our love is the cleft in between. Hands, feet and everything are strongly driven there."

Interesting...what about the brain? I'm guessing that too is "strongly driven there".

The sex book has not been banned but Kelantan mufti, Datuk Mohamad Shukri Mohamad, has stepped into the fray to play down the emphasis of Islam on sex.

It's about time.

To be honest, I'm all for women who let their husbands head their homes as I feel this is the natural order of things.

This however is LUDICROUS!

I'm not trying to belittle anyone's beliefs or what not...but the authors of this book basically dragged women back to 1800s!

Goodness!!

What's the hullabaloo about BTN? part 2

2011-08-13T00:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, next question..

Q: Can we please get to the main course now?

A: But of course! Okay, here's the deal. You wake up pretty early, about 6 plus am (earlier if you need to wake up for prayers). There will be an insanely loud alarm not unlike those at the fire station that's enough to jolt you out of the deepest slumber. After you get dressed, non-muslims will have a 45 minute to 1 hour of "moral lessons". It wasn't TOO bad but it does get repetitive after 5 days of basically the same thing. Sorry, but I pretty much zoned out after the third lesson.

After that, joined by our muslim comrades we have an hour's worth of jolly good exercise time. Yikes! Since the programme is run by retired military officers, we always start the exercise by marching. Seriously.

Till that day, I'd never marched a single day in my life. So naturally, when the officer started barking orders in a strange military-esque manner, I laughed my head off thinking it was a joke.

I looked around to see if anyone actually took it seriously, and to my surprise most everyone did. Best of all, everyone understood what the officer actually said. When everyone turned left in a most orderly way, I was the only one still blur. That is,till the officer caught my eye and gave me a stern look.

Learning to "kawad" that morning was hillarious, me and my two left feet.

Then straight off to our first meal of the day. Soon after, we changed into formal attire. I hated this part of the day the most because I had no chance to bathe again and I felt sticky and smelly. Urghh...

Next comes the main activities. The first two days were more of orientation and also hours after hours of lectures. And they're all about Malaysia, starting from Parameswara naming Malacca. Yup, history all over again. The temptation here would be to doze off but just pay attention lest it comes out for the exam and you have no clue.

The third day onwards, we were broken up into small groups of 10-12 with 2 fascilitators assigned to each group. This is where the fun starts. Well somewhat anyway, as there are many case scenarios to discuss/debate with your group mates on a variety of topics, all indirectly (if you're that blur!) pertaining to our country or more specifically our constitution.

In the evening, back to exercise again. We also had a fitness test, which included lots of push-ups and jumping jacks. According to the officers, we need to pass the test in order to pass the course. But I suspect that's just to get us to take it seriously.

If you're lucky, you might even get a chance with the flying fox thingie or ab sailing which is a lot of fun. The officers, which we must refer to as "pak", will be there to guide you all the way which is reassuring.

Speaking of the officers, you truly learn to grow fond of them despite their occasional harsh comments and slightly crass jokes. I think most of us got a really good laugh when they were around.(Unless you were late for the "kawad" and you were made to do push-ups or run 10 rounds as punishment!)

A group of my friends ended up being called "hindustani", for obvious reasons.

I didn't take it as a racial thing but I was slightly embarrassed when one officer called me "Hoi, hindustani!" when I couldn't do this partial squat during exercise. Another officer called me "Padmini", apparently because I look like her. I had no idea who she was till my mum said she was an actress.

Unfortunately, I look nothing like her.

After that, it was dinner after which you have time to wash up. Back to Moral lessons and then the main group activities till 11 plus p.m. THEN, you may sleep. IF you can that is. I found myself tossing and turning most of the night. The whole week, I think I slept a max of 2 hours a day.

Q : Okay okay. BUT I heard that this whole programme was just to brainwash us like crazy!! Is it true?

A : Yes and no. It depends on HOW you want to take it. I for one, don't take everything at face value. But I'm willing to hear anyone out. All activities were based on the concept of 1 Malaysia. What the group activities basically tried to do was to reinforce the idea of unity and equality as stated in the constitution. Expect to hear the words article 153 a lot. I found myself agreeing, with some of the points brought up, to be honest.

On the downside, although we were repeatedly assured that we were not being brainwashed to support the ruling coalition and that we were free to vote for the opposition if that's what we wanted, I couldn't help but feel a slight bias toward the former.

Another thing that miffed me, was when my fascilitator brought up the Portuguese and how wicked they were with their 3 G's (Gold,Gospel, Glory) and how they forced people to convert to Christianity because they were afraid that Islam would dominate Malacca and people were starting to realise that Christianity was a false religion. He didn't go any further but I already felt uneasy, being the only Christian in the group.

In all veracity, I can't say I blame him entirely because the Portuguese (and even the British) were not exactly the epitome of Christian virtues when they decided to plunder our land for their own benefit.

In a nutshell, was this programme beneficial?

Yes. As corny as it sounds, I did come out feeling even more love for my country and the people that form it. I felt a renewed determination to actually serve my country when I'm done with my studies (God willing) as opposed to migrating elsewhere.

Will I support corruption and avarice while I'm at it? Ain't no way!

Lastly, a big shout out to my group mates from Kumpulan 1. I really wasn't in the mood to make friends but I consider it a blessing to have met you guys and to have gotten along so well with you. All of you made my week :) All the best with your future undertakings!

What's the hullabaloo about BTN?

2011-07-29T00:58:00.000-07:00

Hear the words Biro tatanegara and I can almost hear the gasps and groans of all those affected by it! By affected, I mean all those who have to actually attend the course.

Well, I don't blame you. I was pretty clueless myself and heard all kinds of horror stories that were passing around like wildfire. Needless to say, I was scared to death. Well, not really but you get the picture.

Having said that, I'm writing this little q/a post on what I experienced there for 5 days just in case some hapless soul like myself reads this by chance.

Q : How long is this course?

A : 5 days, but if you want to get technical it's 2 half days, 3 full days and 4 nights

Q : Is it true that all electronic gadgets will be confiscated for this duration?

A : Yup! Not to worry, they will be kept safely and systematically by the officers there. They will be returned to you on the last day once you've finished your exam.So yes, there is time for your special photo op moments before you leave.

Anyhow, I would suggest limiting the amount of valuables you bring to just your handphone and wallet.

Q : What about accommodation? We've heard the conditions are deplorable!

A : Well, I can't say the amenities are the same for every camp. However, mine had several clusters of "dorms" for men and women. Each dorm-like room had 10 ( I think) double decker beds so that could easily house 20 people.

It is also furnished with cupboards and a dressing table. In this camp, we were also provided with an iron (which turned out to be very useful,really)

And then, the toilets.

As usual, the toilets are separate from the shower area ( 2 different areas in fact, but next to each other). Plenty of cubicles so no worries there. It was also extremely clean and I can say this with complete honesty as I'm pretty particular about bathrooms in general.

The only problem with the shower is that the water pressure can get pretty low when everyone's using it at the same time. That can be quite annoying especially if your standing there with soap all over your body and suddenly there's no water! So, a group of us got up slightly earlier than the others to avoid this.

Q : Tell me about the FOOD!!

A : Ahhhh...trust me, you will NOT lack food over there! Apparently, it's government policy to feed us 6 times a day! Twice in the morning, twice in the afternoon and twice at night. Come to think of it, I think we spent more time in the messing hall that anywhere else!

Now, whether you will like the food or not I cannot guarantee but it was mostly Malay cuisine which was fine by me. However at some point, I had to skip a few meals because I was just too full!

Just remember to bring at least 1 water bottle to fill up! I stocked myself with isotonic drinks as well.

Q : Is it really necessary to adhere to the dress code?

A : Yes, to be on the safe side especially for the formal events. White top, black pants/kurung and all long sleeved. For the sports activities, it was pretty lax as I wore coloured t-shirts and no one questioned me or anything. Just make sure it's modest and you should be fine.

Also, bring plenty of clothes unless you don't mind washing it. Why? You'll be sweating your butt off there and your B.O. will reach overpowering levels. Re-wearing the same clothes without washing it could be well...hazardous to the people around you!! Bringing perfume/cologne is a good idea too.

Part 2 coming up....

2011-07-29T00:37:00.001-07:00

I sometimes visit sites like this for a good laugh. I mean, who doesn't get a kick out of really horrible English?

Curious to find out which picture topped them all, I found this...and what do ya know? It comes from Malaysia!! The caption was this ;

'I've always wanted to know where the grinch lived....'

I almost cried from laughing too hard.

The perfect man

2010-10-19T02:40:00.000-07:00

I was in the car with my dad when my mum called his cellphone.

Me : *cough cough* (I was sick)

Mum : Eh, I can hear another woman's voice. Who's that in your car ah??

Dad : That's just my ex girlfriend's daughter.

Mum : Ohh, couldn't get the girlfriend so now going for the daughter is it???

Me : *smh* Old people these days... *sigh*

Over the years I've heard (and been in!) many discussions about "the perfect man". Coming from an all girl school, at one point it seemed like it was the only thing we ever talked about.

My friend Stef and I even made a list of a 100 or so characteristics/traits that we wanted in our future husbands. In fact, ours almost matched up. We wanted someone who was among others;

-Understanding but not too understanding

-Nice but not too nice

-Handsome but not too handsome (I mean, a Sylvester Stallone lookalike would be just fine, thank you very much. Who knew partial facial paralysis could be so...sexy?)

-Muscular but not too muscular ( I guess that rules out steroid users...Bye Sylvester?)

-Violent but not too violent (as in a Rambo/Terminator way) o_0

-Smart but not too smart

-Rich but not too rich (hmmmm)

I've even heard Michelangelo's David being called the perfect man!!

Err yeah, I don't think so.....

As we got older, we realised that some expectations were downright preposterous. Well, some of us anyway. We realised that sometimes brains and brawn don't always go together (or absent altogether in yours truly!) A kind heart didn't always follow a genius doctor or a rich entrepreneur. So we reformed our list and chose the most important characteristics we wanted.

As we grew older still, out of despair some of us were more inclined to throw everything out of the window and settle for the first one that came our way. It was more convenient this way than to wait patiently for an indefinite proportion of time for someone who may or may not show up, only to cry about it later.

Then there's God, the supposed author of all love stories and we wonder where He is in all our heartaches and those years of longing and watching everyone else find their special someone.

But we miss the fact that He is right there,forever trying to woo us to love Him. As Xin Yun put it, "He wants to be our Prince Charming. He is NEVER late and when the right time comes He will bring the right man to you." That should be a big relief to all girls out there. He brings the right man. You don't have to struggle about it, or go "man-hunting" as some have termed it.

Just stay put and love the Lord with all you have in the meantime.

Dear God, I prayed, all unafraid,
I do not need a handsome man
But let him be like You;

I do not need one big and tall
Nor need he be some genius
Or wealthy, Lord, at all;

But let his head be high, dear God,
And let his eye be clear,
His shoulders straight,

Whate’er his state
Whate’er his earthly sphere;
And let his face have character,
A ruggedness of soul,

And let his whole life show,
Dear God,
A singleness of goal;
That when he comes
(as he will come)
With quiet eyes aglow
I’ll understand that he’s the man
I prayed for long ago.

Ruth Bell, written in 1939 before she met Billy
published in Never Let it End: Poems of a Lifelong Love

OOOOFFFFF!!!!

2010-10-19T02:26:00.000-07:00

Federal Agents Urged to 'Friend' People on Social Networks, Memo Reveals

Taken from here.

A privacy watchdog has uncovered a government memo that encourages federal agents to befriend people on a variety of social networks, to take advantage of their readiness to share -- and to spy on them. In response to a Freedom of Information request, the government released a handful of documents, including a May 2008 memo detailing how social-networking sites are exploited by the Office of Fraud Detection and National Security (FDNS).

"Narcissistic tendencies in many people fuel a need to have a large group of 'friends' link to their pages, and many of these people accept cyber-friends that they don't even know," stated one of the documents obtained by the EFF. "This provides an excellent vantage point for FDNS to observe the daily life of beneficiaries and petitioners who are suspected of fraudulent activities," it said.

According to the EFF, this memo -- which specifically details how the government evaluates potential citizen requests -- suggests there's nothing to prevent an exaggerated, harmless or even out-of-date offhand comment in a status update from quickly becoming the subject of a full investigation.

With this revelation, the government joins a growing list of groups using social-networking sites for purposes other than social networking. As these sites have gained popularity, scammers and spammers have become rampant, and hackers are increasingly turning to networks such as Facebook to spread viruses and Trojan Horses.

WHOA!!! N.W.O anyone??!!

Cash for Vasectomy

2010-10-18T02:45:00.000-07:00

Interesting headlines today on this site. Here's an excerpt:

First drug addict sterilised under 'cash for vasectomy' offer.

The man, known as John, who has been addicted to heroin for 15 years, was given £200 by an American charity in return for having a vasectomy.

Project Prevention, the charity running the scheme, has made similar payments to thousands of men and women in America in a crusade to prevent them having children who may inherit their addictions.

The 38-year-old man said he had been involved with drugs since the age of 11 or 12 and that the offer of money had "spurred" him into having the operation.

He said: "It was kind of what spurred me into doing it in a way.

"It was something that I'd been thinking about for a long time and something that I'd already made my mind up that I wanted to do. Just hadn't got around to it."

The woman behind the project, Barbara Harris, from North Carolina, said she set up the charity after adopting four children whose mother was addicted to crack.

She said: "I got very angry about the damage that these drugs do to these children.

"It was unbelievable. Isaiah could not sleep, he couldn't eat, his eyes were big, noise bothered him, light bothered him. It broke my heart."

Ms Harris added: "I've been called everything. I've been spat on.

"Typically I just say to my critics: 'If you believe these women should continue to take drugs and have children, then step up in line and adopt their babies'. It's that simple."

The project also pays addicts to get long-term birth control including intrauterine contraceptive devices or a contraceptive implant.

Err okay, I get where she's coming from. The only problem is that this doesn't solve much. Crack and alcohol addicts remain just that; addicts. And the oxymoron-ic 200 pounds, how in the world is that supposed to help?

I have to say that this does prevent a lot of problems especially those involving "unwanted" children with serious health problems and dare I say, taxpayers.

Still, the underlying core idea is just a tad bit disturbing. What next? Impoverished people should be paid to be sterilised too because their offspring would be useless and burdensome to society at large?

Shouldn't the obvious solution be to cure poverty in the first place? Or in this case, drug addiction?

Perhaps we feel addicts cannot be cured. Old habits die hard. Still, are we so devoid of hope that we regard addicts as people beyond change that we take the shortest way out?

The sacrifice

2010-07-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

~Romans 5:8~

If you do have a few minutes to spare, take a look at this video from the Czech movie "MOST"

How easy it is for us to ignore the depth of His sacrifice...that we become so wrapped up in our own lives and the trivial matters that affect it...

We so easily forget......

When you think life is tough...

2010-06-14T22:22:00.000-07:00

I couldn't find the exact one I watched on the History Channel (which was more detailed), but this is pretty close.

Just when you think your life "sucks", think again.

I admire the strength of these people. Crossing from China into Laos and then to Thailand is NO joke but they did it despite the fear that they may be caught and deported back to N. Korea. I can only feel sorry for those who were caught because they faced EXECUTION almost certainly.

Cliche as it may sound, WHAT THE HECK IS THE WORLD COMING TO??

2010-06-11T08:17:00.000-07:00

I was at Gladsounds the other day because they were having this super mega sale (yippie!!!!) As I was looking through all the fantastic books and CD's that were on discount, I suddenly thought of one book that I told myself I wouldn't need to read for years because I knew all about the subject anyway. I tried to ignore the impulse to go look for it but I did eventually.So I went all around the shop looking for it but couldn't find it. I was too shy to ask the sales lady because well, the book was Joshua Harris' "I kissed dating goodbye" and frankly, I didn't want her to think I was interested...in that particular subject.

I gave up, thinking it wasn't God's will for me to get it. But, a good half hour later I found it on one of the shelves closest to the cashier. It was the only one left!!! Now if you know me well, you would know that I'm always the last to do/get anything. It's like I'm hardwired to realize things late.

So, I instinctively knew this book was waiting there patiently for me.

Needless to say I picked it up,and paid for it when my parents waren't looking (just in case they thought I was in love or anything!)

The idea of Courtship isn't something entirely new to me. I've been reading and hearing about it for a while now. So when I started reading this book, I half expected a list of rules and regulations for couples;

*No going out after 10pm!*

*No kissing or hugging!*

*No riding in cars alone!*

Well, you get the picture...

Instead I found something totally different. In the end, I realized I didn't know much at all!

This book isn't about rules at all. In fact, it was barely about boy-girl relationships than it was about focusing our lives on the right thing; pleasing the Lord in all we do. Purity is one of them among others. It isn't about being legalistic, it's about doing the right thing for yourself and the other person involved.

What the book tries to bring across is that love, or at least the kind Jesus exemplified isn't only to be focused on that one guy/girl but to everyone. Sometimes, we tend to put our focus on getting the right guy/girl that we forget about everybody else! Are we doing the best we can for them? Are we showing them that we love them through our actions?

Honestly,I flunk that test big time.

Joshua Harris also brings up a good point in this book, that we should treat our friends as brothers and sisters. Guys usually take the blame because some may tend to regard women as objects that gratify them. Although most ladies wouldn't regard a man as a "sex object" per se, we are "notorious" for evaluating guys to see if he's THE ONE. If he isn't good looking enough or charismatic enough, we probably wouldn't give him a second look! (I guess both men and women need to treat each other better!)

However when we do start to look at guys as brothers instead of potential boyfriends, our whole outlook changes. We don't have to go all out of our way to impress them by putting on this false portrayal of ourselves. We can get to know them as they are and vice-versa without romantic intentions.

How we treat our family members is also a stepping stone (or prep time, if you may) of how you will treat your spouse in the future. I fail here big time too. Sometimes, its just much easier to lose our temper and blow our top instead of controlling our anger. Sometimes, it's just easier to make a rude/sarcastic comment even when we know better. But, I know God gave me this set of parents and siblings for a reason and that is to learn to love selflessly. I thank God for giving me a family that's ever patient with me despite my severe shortcomings because I'm not really sure that there is any other family that would be!!

In essence, I learnt that

Pure, untainted love isn't about me. It isn't about that fluffy puppy feeling you get when you think about your significant someone. It isn't about the satisfaction you get when you're physically intimate.

True love is one that will go the extra mile even if it requires sacrifice. It means denying yourself the gift of a relationship if the other person needs to grow spiritually. It isn't dependent on how you feel or your moods. It is never temporal, it's commitment is lifelong. It always passes the test of time and distance.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

Love in its truest form is in the way Jesus died unconditionally for ALL of us even though we are undeserving and wretched sinners.

What greater love is there?

Billy Joel !!!!!

2010-03-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

I just love this guy! His skills are unprecedented (except maybe by Bruce Hornsby) and his looks,well he can make any girl swoon!

Jesus and the woman taken in adultery

2010-02-18T06:44:00.000-08:00

Taken from John Chapter 8, (KJV)

8:1 Jesus went unto the mount of Olives.

8:2 And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.

8:3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,

8:4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

8:5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

8:6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with [his] finger wrote on the ground, [as though he heard them not].

8:7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

8:8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.

8:9 And they which heard [it], being convicted by [their own] conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, [even] unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

8:10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

8:11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

I've heard a writer comment on what Jesus could have possibly wrote when he stooped down on the ground to write, so much so that even the hypocritical scribes and Pharisees were cut to the heart by their conscience.

And that is, " Where's the man?"

Indeed, he who is sinless may cast the first stone, or strike with the cane.

Bizzare yet true...

2010-02-16T20:26:00.000-08:00

Came across this on a website and I thought it was interesting. Although I'm in no place to judge his parents I can't help but ask, is there no other way??

At first sight it seems the ultimate in child cruelty - a two-year-old boy chained to a lamp post to stop him getting away.

Yet his parents say this is the only way they can guarantee not to lose him.

His father Chen Chuanliu works as an unlicensed rickshaw cyclist in Beijing, taking fares all over the city, while the boy's disabled mother collects rubbish at the roadside.

They say they secured their son, Lao Lu, with a padlock around his ankle because his four-year-old sister Ling was 'stolen' from them last month.

Child snatching is rife in China, where strict laws govern the size of families.

Concerned passers-by spotted the shackled toddler outside Huaguan Shopping Mall in Liangxiang.

They reported his father to the authorities, who yesterday ordered him to remove the chain although it was not clear what arrangements he would make in future.

There is no nursery place for Lao Lu because his 42-year-old father is a migrant worker from another province, Szechuan, and therefore does not qualify for state help. The family live in one room, 9ft by 8ft.

Chen said he could not afford to pay for childcare on his earnings of £4.50 a day and had refused offers of 'a lot of money' to give his son up for adoption.

'My wife cannot take care of him and I have to work to support my family. So I chain him to a pole when I have a fare.

'I don't even have a picture of my daughter to use for a missing-person poster. I cannot lose my son as well.'

Yikes!! Makes me thankful for my childhood...

The piano and I

2010-02-11T07:33:00.000-08:00

My pastor : So Shalisha, today is your "debut"? If you don't play well, this could be your de-boot!! Hahahaha!!!

Me : *gives a really WIDE chesire grin accompanied by intense buckling of the knees and trembling hands*

Ahh, the piano and I.

Our love/hate relationship is like no other.

When I first started, I was only 6. I remember those classes my mother made me take;

How my teacher would hit my knuckles with a long plastic ruler if I didn't curve my fingers properly or if I drew a treble clef out of shape. Perhaps I was too young to understand the value of discipline then.

I'd throw a huge tantrum every Saturday morning. Many a time, crocodile tears would flow together with feigned illnesses. In the end, my mother took pity on me and stopped classes. Suddenly, I was free again.

Until I turned 11 that is. I was suddenly (and forcefully!) told that I would be starting lessons again with an old friend of my parents.

I still remember the very first song my teacher taught me : God is so good in C major. I remember the pride I felt when I played that song for my oldest brother on his birthday.

Soon enough, the excitement began to wear off and I felt that lessons were becoming a burden again. Practice became less and less frequent. There were times when I never so much as touched the piano for weeks at end except during classes.

Even when I did practise, I did so when no one was at home because I was afraid of reprobation.(Constructive criticism didn't quite work for me then!) I especially hated exams (more specifically, the scales!) and found every possible way to dodge it.

My teacher was never the stern type. My knuckles were spared even when I made the most careless of mistakes. She always encouraged me to do better, never giving up on me.

Meanwhile, my mother kept pushing me to play at small functions. And that ALWAYS turned out to be a disaster! Even playing for a small crowd like in my school CF turned out to be too much of a task for me. Finally, I just gave up.

What was the point since I was talent-less anyway?

When I left secondary school, that was it for me. Bye-bye piano! Sure, I'll attend classes, play whenever I felt like it. But there would be no commitments whatsoever. I couldn't put myself out on the line anymore, since all I do is embarass myself in the end.

All that changed in college.

I attended CF one day and I saw this amazing pianist just giving ALL to God during worship. I was so awed that all I could do was watch and listen with my mouth gaping wide.

Immediately, a strange feeling swept over me. Till today, I don't really understand it. I've seen scores of fantastic pianists but never quite felt the same way as when I saw this particular pianist.

Waves of emotion swept over me. One of them was regret. Regret that I hadn't taken my lessons seriously. Regret that I had played the fool all these years.

Those feelings were so strong that I ran to the washroom to throw up, TWICE! Some of my friends thought it was because I ate too much char kuey teow for dinner, but I knew better.

That was the end of my life as I knew it. I couldn't sleep, eat or study for the next few days. All I thought about was the piano and how badly I wanted to take it up again, to serve the Lord in pretty much the ONLY way I knew how.

Still unwilling to practice on the piano at home, I made a deal with God. If He made the provision for me to buy a keyboard complete with earphones (so no one else could hear me playing), then I would practice my butt off and serve Him any chance I got. I know, how illogical is that? :p

Well, God must have heard me because almost a year later I actually had just enough money to buy myself a keyboard. And so I began to lock myself in my room and play for hours. I loved the piano but hated it at the same time. How's that for a paradox?

Sometimes I would get so frustrated with my lack of skills that I would just start banging on the piano like a crazed person! I wanted so desperately to be good at it but progress was extremely slow (and still is). Not to mention my indolence that tends to take over sometimes. And then I'd wonder if this was one of my half-past-six endeavors that I'd soon grow tired of.

Meanwhile, some of my well meaning friends kept encouraging me to play at CF. My first thoughts were, "Are you kidding me?!!! No way could I ever match up with that expert pianist!!"

So I steadily refused them for many months, eventhough I secretly desired to play.

When that amazing pianist left, I was less intimidated and agreed to play once. I wasn't too worried either because my best friend was backing me up on the keyboard. If I messed up, she'd be there to save the day.

But on that day, I was trembling and my hands were literally numb. What would people think of me when they saw how terribly I played? What if this happened...or that? What if I fainted???!!

A good friend who probably couldn't take my complaining any longer finally said, "You're not playing for anyone in the audience. You are playing for Jesus."

OF COURSE I knew that in theory but the reality of it didn't hit me until then. I didn't have to be an expert pianist to serve God. I could just be me, an imperfect individual.

And that was the only reason why I stepped on stage that day despite the trepidation I felt.

My playing wasn't fantastic though I wish it was. But I am so grateful that I was surrounded by people who encouraged me to the point where I could move past my weaknesses.

That was about a year and a half ago.Now, through a series of bizarre events I find myself in my church worship team.

I played for the first time today in front of hundreds of people.

Coming to the end of the story (if anyone DID read all the way!), you would think that it should at least have a happy ending, right?

But you know what?

I found myself playing utter nonsense, almost totally out of sync with the rest of the team. I even forgot at one point that I was supposed to play an intro !! Yikes!!!

Surprisingly, I don't feel utterly despondent like I usually would. In fact, I actually feel encouraged to move forward. That's probably because a few kind souls took the time to reassure me that I didn't mess up (You won't be reading this, but thanks a lot anyway!) and also because God still loves me despite it all.

If I do get debooted, which seems likely enough at this point, I'd probably be upset and mope around a bit but I'll be fine.

I suppose I'm learning to take everything in stride.

Well it being the 14th of February and all,

Happy Valentines to everyone!

Life doesn't even remotely resemble a box of chocolates but hey, so what?

2010-01-15T01:29:00.000-08:00

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” - Alexandre Dumas

When I watched the movie "Seven Pounds", I thought it would be like any other movie and predictable at that. But this one I must say, begged to differ.

There were so many different aspects and themes to the movie that it took me a while to get it all in.

Cliche as it may be, Patience was one of them.

I think the character of Ezra Turner is a reminder to all of us that we can be just a little more patient with the people around us and also when certain circumstances come our way.

Was on the train a few days ago, and a lady was asking for directions to Pasar Seni. Another lady was telling her that she needed to get down at a station called Masjid Jamek. But this lady, a foreigner wouldn't believe her. She called up her friend and started telling this friend (and raucously at that!) that "some lady" in the train was giving her directions. How rude!!

She then asked her friend for directions but couldn't get any due to

1. Extremely horrid reception

2. The friend wasn't sure about the directions either

Then the lady who first gave her directions reached her stop and left. And she was sitting there looking utterly confused. So some of us around her decided to help, especially since I knew the route pretty well. While we were trying to do that, she suddenly tells us to shut up and that she doesn't need our advice!

Boy, was I ever mad...and embarassed! I felt like giving her a piece of my mind! Considering that she isn't familiar with our country and the LRT system, don't you think she should at least have the decency and the humility to hear what the locals have to say??

So we backed off as she got another call. I'm guessing the friend wasn't able to come up with any useful information as she started shouting at the friend saying, "You just meet me at the train station. These ladieeess are all telling me that I have to stop at some station, a mosque somewhere. I don't know where! Just meet me at the station ok!!!"

After that call, with a sheepish grin she asks one of those who tried to help her," So where do I get down?" However this lady, now cheesed off more than ever just said " I DON'T KNOW!" and turned her face away.

Then she turns to me and asks me the same thing. Despite my anger, I answered her and gave her complete directions to Pasar Seni and I even did so in my gentle voice, not my usual angry voice when faced with such a situation.

And can you believe it?

SHE STILL DIDN'T TRUST ME!!

Surprising even myself, I just smiled at her.

I guess that was a big lesson on patience for me. If I had lashed out at her, I'm pretty sure things would not have turned out well for either of us.

Ahh...but I guess we're all works in progress....

Yummy!!

2009-12-15T23:00:00.000-08:00

Bak Kut Teh

Chocolate Fondue

And that, is The Perfect Meal...

My place

2009-12-14T08:01:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine, in a last bid to make our conversation somewhat interesting asked me,"What are your dreams/goals?"

Seriously?

I rolled my eyes in sarcasm (lucky for me, it was just in front of a computer screen!) How many times are you even allowed to ask that question before it's completely nullified?

I answered anyway, not wanting to seem rude. That, and also because he likes Yanni who happens to be my favourite pianist. Nevermind that he can't name a single song, at least he knows of the maestro's existence compared to most people who ask me, "Huh? Is that the name of an exotic food or something?"

Anyway, I conjured up (or at least tried to) an eloquent paragraph about becoming a good doctor and serving the masses, living within God's will, finding my place in the world...yada..yada..yada...

I guess that really did sound like a cock-and-bull story. But if I were truly honest though, I'd say not everything was a fabrication especially the last two.Though I hate admitting it, I was inadvertently baring my soul to someone.

I think I lost him for good at the end of our conversation.

Reminder to self : Shut up!

Finding my place in the world

Gosh, I don't think there's anything harder than that for me. Well not exactly, but you get the picture.I don't think I've ever fitted in anywhere, except maybe kindergarden.

Jeffery Asher Nesbit wrote in his book The Great Nothing Strikes Back that "Only fools are comfortable in this world." I'm not sure I agree with him. Or maybe I do, surreptitiously of course because I don't want to come across as someone who's pompous.

It was easy to hide before. Secondary school for one, was the perfect place.

By school standards, I fitted in because they make you wear uniforms. By social standards, I flunked because I wore spectacles with huge plastic frames. My hair never turned out right so it looked like, as one girl pointed out "a broom". My classmates voted me the biggest nerd in school, although I must say my math teacher thought I was dense,ironically.

Every girl I knew, had either a sweetheart or an admirer somewhere. Me? It took me 3 years to even muster the courage to say hi to a guy I had a major crush on.

I tried to change. I really did. I even tried reading the 1000-page Miss Manners book (And what a torture that was!) so that I could learn the art of fitting into society. I tried every form of goo and slathered it on my face to lose those Mt Vesuvius pimples. Needless to say, that was a complete fail.

Then came university. This was a WHOLE different world. Hiding isn't so easy anymore. I used to hide behind books but now that isn't such a feasible idea because every other minute is spent reading your textbooks anyway and who fancies that? The first few months were a complete torture and I'm not embellishing it in any way. If it waren't for my 2 good friends in uni, I would have become a social recluse.

In my mind, university was THE place. This was the time you made friends, did all the stuff you've dreamed about for years, organised projects, discover your different potentials. In short, this was where you fitted in.

Or not.

Someone once told me that I chose to live this way and I should stop blaming people for it.

I don't blame anyone. And you're right, I chose to be this way. I chose to be different even if it meant spending many days just relying on God for comfort. Even if it meant being invisible in a crowd.

I had a conversation with a friend, Sam who told me this, " You are not the only one who feels like you can't fit in. Many people do and they are lonely too." He was right, of course. I was just too self-absorbed to notice.

When my 1st year exams were over, all the students were chatting away in excitement over the month and a half long holidays. All but one. A guy, sitting all alone staring out of the window. Nobody would talk to him. He didn't seem to know anyone either. And I truly felt sorry for him. Did I talk to him? Errr..nope...I get really nervous talking to people for the first time, unless they approach me. I'm working on that...

When I'm walking down a street, sometimes I look at random people and wonder if they've found their place in the world.

I look at the pretty, smiling lady who tries to sell me perfume at the mall and I wonder if she fits in.

I look at the immigrant who works as a labourer and I wonder if he's found it.

I see a prostitute trying to woo a new customer and I wonder if she knows.

Perhaps our place in the world is in knowing that there isn't any.

No suitable title??

2009-12-12T00:40:00.000-08:00

Saw this on a website and I thought the comparison was pretty interesting.

Here it is.

If you're squeamish, then maybe it's not a good idea to go on.

Auschwitz Death Camp

Abortion Death Camp

Baking Endeavor

2009-12-03T19:24:00.000-08:00

My parents recently celebrated their 38th anniversary.

38 YEARS!!

Sounds like a death sentence to me, but it is funny how two completely opposite characters have managed to get along for so many years. I'm glad they did though; I know such marriages are rare these days.

Anyway they decided to go away for a couple of days. One would think they would choose a romantic beach resort or something of the like to commemorate the occasion.

Instead, I get a phone call from my mum going something like this:

Me : Where are you guys?

Mum : We're in Johor.

Me : Johor??!!! How in the world did you get there?!

Mum : We drove la...how else? We took the coastal road and had a lot of fun passing through villages!

Me : ????

That was their idea of a romantic getaway, driving down to Johor on bumpy, uneven, UNSAFE coastal roads just so they could pass through some kampungs !! But that's my parents, alright.

Anyway, my sis and I decided to make them something special when they came home. So, we rummaged the pile of recipes my mum collected over the years and decided to make this.

I know it doesn't look very appetizing and frankly it didn't taste palatable either. But not bad for an amateur,right?

RIGHT?

My last T-cell

2009-11-16T01:39:00.000-08:00

"You're wrong. Love has no meaning. It's just a term, coined by morons who don't have a life and hyped up by the media to be something eternal. But I sure as hell don't buy it!", young Karen hot temperedly announced.

I managed a small laugh, "There, don't you think you're a little too young to be this cynical?"

"Wasn't too young to be abused by the man who called himself my father, now was I?" she muttered, folding her arms crossly.

"Love is a beautiful thing you know. It is the very foundation on which humanity was created. Granted, it's nothing like the movies tell you it is, because it's often associated with a feeling when in fact,true love has got to do with your actions even when you feel otherwise."

"The Bible has a clear passage on what love is. In 1 Corinthians 13 : 4, it says that love is patient and kind, it does not.."

"Alright, enough! Don't start giving me that Biblical nonsense, not this early in the morning!"

"Fine, I won't. I was just trying to make a point; love is more than just a warm, fuzzy feeling." I said calmly.

"Ohh yeah? So how come you're here in this hospital all alone and nobody visits you? I've been here 2 days and all I've seen you do is walk around aimlessly. Where's the love that you so fondly talk about lady? Coz' I don't see it."

I smiled, unsure of what I should say next or rather, how much. Lost in my thoughts, I was thinking of the right words to say but they wouldn't come.

"Why are you in here anyway?" she asked,not willing to give up."You look messed up as hell! You're not an anorexic, are you?" she asked me suspiciously, eyeing my body which was now skin and bone.

"No I'm not. I have AIDS." I replied, my sunken eyes looking straight into hers,looking for that slight cringe of fear or disgust I'd been so accustomed to now.

"Damn." she muttered, looking away.

Silence.

But I was sure this wasn't the end of our conversation. I soon found out, it was only the beginning.

One Day

2009-10-09T04:39:00.000-07:00

More than I could hope or dream of,
You have poured your favour on me.
One day in the house of God is,
better than a thousand days in the world.

CHORUS:
So blessed I can't contain it. So much I gotta give it away.
Your love has taught me to live now.
You are more than enough for me.

BRIDGE

Lord, You are more than enough for me
Lord, You are more than enough for me
Lord, You are more than enough for me
Lord, You are more than enough for me

Pulau Ketam

2009-09-21T23:26:00.000-07:00

Made a day long trip to Pulau Ketam yesterday with Dr Babu's family...boy was that ever fun! I love anything to do with the seaside...took a 45 minute ferry ride from Port Klang to the island...

Port Klang at about 11am

This was about 4-50pm

Pulau Ketam

Love the whole Chinatown thing that's going on here.. The residents seem so relaxed without a single care in the world. The food's awesome and the best part? The only mode of transport allowed on this island is...bicycles!! Primitive yet strangely attractive...

The food's fantastically cheap!! Grabbed as many fish products as we could...and that green lollipop you can see at the top left hand of the picture below..

Almost wished I could live here...the view sure is beautiful...

This is hillarious!!

2009-09-19T03:34:00.000-07:00

The Human Spirit

2009-09-18T05:43:00.000-07:00

"Do I know you?"

~Me, to my housemate of 18 months when I was abruptly woken from my sleep~

Strange how strong the human spirit is even in the midst of debilitating disease or immense grief. I may not agree with some of the choices you've made but truly, the journey of your lives must have been arduous. Hats off to all of you for your strength and incessant positive outlook on life.

On an unrelated note, was looking through some old pictures and guess what I found?

My form 5 class performing during "Aerobikthon"!! No prizes for guessing which one's me though..it's a wonder I even finished the routine..me and my two left feet!!

Ahh the memories...

"Vide Infra"

2009-09-11T03:43:00.000-07:00

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

~Emily Dickinson~

Just an unrelated passing thought, but if there's someone you've seen around a couple of times and you come up to that person on your own free will to introduce yourself by stretching out your hand and that person reciprocates and introduces herself too, shouldn't you at least act interested even if you dislike that person for whatever reason, and not give her a look that looks like this?

Heh, apparently not!

Okay, I shouldn't gripe but still....sheesh....

Acute embarassment

2009-09-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

"I wonder if the people at the IC department deliberately take SUPER MEGA UGLIFIED pictures of you so that they can feel better about themselves."

~Mabel, on her blog~

First things first, HAPPY BIRTHDAY NITYA!!! Sorry we didn't get to do much, but I hope you realise that you mean a lot to us. I may not express it often (I have constipated emotions!) but it's true. God bless you!

Having said that, today's experience with choir was downright lugubrious. Nope, I'm not being my usual histrionic self at all. So the 10+ (not much of a choir I suppose) of us went up to perform "The lion sleeps tonight" (I know, of all things to sing right?) Anyway, the whole atrium and the floors immediately above it was rather full of people and most of us were getting the jitters just looking at the crowd.

In the jungle the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.....

First thing that went wrong ; the horrible sound system where these loud piercing sounds overpowered our voices. Secondly, the atrium was so noisy that we couldn't hear ourselves or each other (nor could anyone else for that matter). In the end, all of us were absolutely confused and we botched it up. As we left the stage, barely anyone clapped or cheered like they did for the other performances. For me, it was the walk of shame. Arghh!!!

Wimbo-weh, Wimbo-weh, Wimbo-weh, Wimbo-weh.....

I know it's easy to blame others and the things that happen around us as the reason for our failure. And though we were to take the blame to a certain extent for our incompetence, I KNOW we're better than that.

Hush my darling, don't fear my darling, the lion sleeps tonight....

Even so, I thought I was going to die of acute embarassment! Worse still, when my friends and I went to the cafe, a group of seniors who apparently recognised us as the now infamous choir-ians, proceeded to laugh (not so dicreetly, I might add!) at us while mockingly singing "Wimbo-weh".

That was it for me, I wanted plastic surgery after that!! Just how was I ever going to show my face in university again?!!

But then, this thought kept coming back to me over and over again like clockwork everytime I thought about it ;

"Are you above humiliation?"

YES!!!!!

Ok, maybe I am...

Alright, no.

"Exactly. So don't complain."

Wah...so profound ah...this is definitely not my own wisdom wan....

And I knew then that I'd been so selfish all this while, being so focused on myself and what people think of me (as if I'm of utmost importance!!), when the others too must have felt the pinch very much the same way I did. So you know what? I'm going to just face it like a wo-man.

LW, despite all that's happened, I couldn't ask for a better conductor than you. You are truly talented and all of us can definitely attest to that. If there's a next time, we'll do better. Ohh, and get well soon.

2009-09-03T02:16:00.000-07:00

This has got to be one of the best sermons I've heard on relationships. Not that it pertains to me in any way or anything....you might like this one Eliza.

One thing I like about African American churches in general is that they are free to worship how they want to.Too bad it doesn't work that way around here.The principle in question isn't the problem I suppose, just our uptight "M'sian-ness".

Just imagine someone standing up, shouting and waving his/her hands in the middle of a sermon!!

Of course one very well could, but that would just be awkward to say the least.

2009-09-02T02:07:00.000-07:00

"... especially the ones that sound like real songs.. you listen to it wondering wat song it is.. and then find out its some stupido bread ad!"

~Cynthea, talking about annoying Gardenia advertisements~

The butler steals the show for sure!

If there's a sure fire way to make me cry, it's got to be sad animal movies especially dog ones...here's the last scene from one of my favourite movies...go catch it if you haven't already..

Stranger

2009-08-29T04:27:00.000-07:00

"What do they do? Produce Tongkat Ah-Lee???"

~My friend Marilyn, when I told her IMU was planning to offer a course in Chinese Medicine~

(No offense to anyone who may be taking the course, but I had to laugh at that one!! Seriously wei, you need to dump law and take up something else!)

Okay..back to my original post...

Having to travel by LRT almost every weekday is terribly vexing especially after a long day at university. It takes me almost an hour and a half to reach home. Don't ask me why I don't just drive instead. I can't answer that one. My license just displays itself superfluously in my wallet, much to my mother's chagrin and my father's relief.

What's interesting about the journey however, is the kind of people I see on the train.

There are always the people with their mp3's blasting away in their ears. Others just stare outside or at each other with a rather apathetic look. Still, there are some who take to staring at the shoes of other passengers ( a habit which I detested because my shoes are rather uninteresting..that is until I started doing it myself)

Then there are the school kids who come in groups of 5 and above, all chatting loudly about how tuition classes went that day or how cute a particular girl/guy is. Not forgetting, the occasional couple who sit at the very end of the train,holding hands, laughing and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. Heh, give it a couple of years...

(sorry, my cynical side tends to rear its ugly head at times.)

Sometimes, there are even mothers with little, curious kids who can't stop asking questions. "Mummy, why the train so noisy?

Mummy, why that girl's skirt torn wan?"

I'd stifle a laugh as the frustrated mother tries to tell her child to hush without attracting unnecessary attention.

Still yet, there are the expatriates and tourists with huge backpacks busy rattling off in their native language, either to each other or on the phone. And there are also some M'sians who do the same with their Queen's english, trying their level best to sound important.

Lastly and certainly the least, are the freaks who make it a point to ogle every girl that boards the train. This includes trying to look down their blouses. For those that tried that on me, they were out of luck because I usually have a huge Pathology or Physiology book blocking the view and a very sour face staring back at them.

But there was only one man who caught my attention more than anyone else.

The first time I saw him, he was wearing a neatly pressed shirt with pants that looked perfectly creased. Everyone around him began to make way for him as he entered the train. I couldn't make out as to why as I sat pretty far from the door.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I craned my neck to see him.

He walked in one clumsy step at a time, forcing his in bowed legs to move as fast as they could. As the door shut and the train started moving, I saw his deformed hands grasping the bars to steady himself. My first instinct was to get up and help him. But I couldn't. For some reason unknown to me, no one did either. I was mesmerized by this man. He finally found a seat and sat down.

The second time I saw him, he sat just opposite me. Metal rimmed glasses framed his large dark brown eyes. Boy, was he ever handsome! (My girlish traits get in the way sometimes.) I couldn't tell of what descent he was. Looked like middle-eastern to me, but I could be wrong.

As my eyes met his, I felt like I'd been given entrance into his soul. Perhaps it was just me but his eyes waren't apathetic or devoid of emotions like most people on the train were including myself, rather it was filled with an array of emotions which beguiled me.

Strength

Bemusement

Courage

Passion

LIFE

I turned away. He made me uncomfortable. Probably because he reminded me of what I sorely lacked. It made me reflect on how mechanical I am nowadays, how I have a standard response to almost everything that comes my way. Routine and boredom does that to you, I suppose.

When his stop came, I saw him slowly get up and go his own way all by himself. I smiled to myself, thanking God for letting me cross paths with someone as special as him.

Isn't it strange how a total stranger can leave such a big impact on someone?

Medical Textbooks of today??

2009-08-25T00:07:00.000-07:00

Definitely more interesting for the rest of us but... Sir William Osler must be rolling in his grave!!

Promnesia?

2009-08-23T06:31:00.000-07:00

Strangely despite telling myself I would never blog again I still find myself here. I guess in some way I miss it.

So here goes nothing.