I was at Gladsounds the other day because they were having this super mega sale (yippie!!!!) As I was looking through all the fantastic books and CD's that were on discount, I suddenly thought of one book that I told myself I wouldn't need to read for years because I knew all about the subject anyway. I tried to ignore the impulse to go look for it but I did eventually.So I went all around the shop looking for it but couldn't find it. I was too shy to ask the sales lady because well, the book was Joshua Harris' "I kissed dating goodbye" and frankly, I didn't want her to think I was interested...in that particular subject.

I gave up, thinking it wasn't God's will for me to get it. But, a good half hour later I found it on one of the shelves closest to the cashier. It was the only one left!!! Now if you know me well, you would know that I'm always the last to do/get anything. It's like I'm hardwired to realize things late.

So, I instinctively knew this book was waiting there patiently for me. 

Needless to say I picked it up,and paid for it when my parents waren't looking (just in case they thought I was in love or anything!)

The idea of Courtship isn't something entirely new to me. I've been reading and hearing about it for a while now. So when I started reading this book, I half expected a list of rules and regulations for couples; 

*No going out after 10pm!*

*No kissing or hugging!*

*No riding in cars alone!*

Well, you get the picture...

Instead I found something totally different. In the end, I realized I didn't know much at all!

This book isn't about rules at all. In fact, it was barely about boy-girl relationships than it was about  focusing our lives on the right thing; pleasing the Lord in all we do. Purity is one of them among others. It isn't about being legalistic, it's about doing the right thing for yourself and the other person involved.

What the book tries to bring across is that love, or at least the kind Jesus exemplified isn't only to be focused on that one guy/girl but to everyone. Sometimes, we tend to put our focus on getting the right guy/girl that we forget about everybody else! Are we doing the best we can for them? Are we showing them that we love them through our actions?

Honestly,I flunk that test big time. 

Joshua Harris also brings up a good point in this book, that we should treat our friends as brothers and sisters. Guys usually take the blame because some may tend to regard women as objects that gratify them. Although most ladies wouldn't regard a man as a "sex object" per se, we are "notorious" for evaluating guys to see if he's THE ONE. If he isn't good looking enough or charismatic enough, we probably wouldn't give him a second look! (I guess both men and women need to treat each other better!)

However when we do start to look at guys as brothers instead of potential boyfriends, our whole outlook changes. We don't have to go all out of our way to impress them by putting on this false portrayal of ourselves. We can get to know them as they are and vice-versa without romantic intentions.

How we treat our family members is also a stepping stone (or prep time, if you may) of how you will treat your spouse in the future. I fail here big time too. Sometimes, its just much easier to lose our temper and blow our top instead of controlling our anger. Sometimes, it's just easier to make a rude/sarcastic comment even when we know better. But, I know God gave me this set of parents and siblings for a reason and that is to learn to love selflessly. I thank God for giving me a family that's ever patient with me despite my severe shortcomings because I'm not really sure that there is any other family that would be!!

In essence, I learnt that

Pure, untainted love isn't about me. It isn't about that fluffy puppy feeling you get when you think about your significant someone. It isn't about the satisfaction you get when you're physically intimate.

True love is one that will go the extra mile even if it requires sacrifice. It means denying yourself the gift of a relationship if the other person needs to grow spiritually. It isn't dependent on how you feel or your moods. It is never temporal, it's commitment is lifelong. It always passes the test of time and distance.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

Love in its truest form is in the way Jesus died unconditionally for ALL of us even though we are undeserving and wretched sinners. 

What greater love is there?